its been a while

maybe, just possibly, if people are still following. and/or are still interested in knowing things that happen in my mind on a daily, to semi daily basis, here i am again.
so great.
sitting here reflecting on the things that are at the center of my being, living in the moment, keeping a calm center while emotions flood wildly around, being myself.....and where i could possibly have learned all of these things.
i am trying to visually pull up memories of reading books, of meeting the people in my past buddhism classes, of learning these things on my own, trying to present to a dear friend the resources that have helped create my way in this world.
if only i could really pin point each book. each face. each moment that has shaped me to be who i am and what i am.
i think that may be the beauty in it, right there. i am the resource. pulling up all of the frantic moments of understanding and of striving to learn and understand the details of the people around me and the thoughts that flow around us.
there is so much to learn. to see. to experience.
may your day be a blessed day filled with new experiences.
because in these experiences we shape our tomorrow.

how it is even real......

reality. what the heck is reality.
un-clouding our mind with so many illusions that take place on a daily basis. the need to be clear in the mind and head is probably the single most important thing that any one of us can do.
on a daily basis i might add.
when you take a risk in life, you want your head to be clear to be able to make a decision. i feel as though too, there needs to be a balance between your head as well as your heart.
how do you know if the right decision is being made unless you have a feeling in your heart as well???
it comes from both places.
desire. the over-whleming craving for worldly pleasures. clinging to this very existence, our self/ego and the things or people we—due to our delusions—deem the cause of our respective happiness or unhappiness. The suffering ends when the craving and desire ends.
one can be freed from all of desires and achieve ultimate clearing of the mind when delusions are set aside and freed . 
so.....easier said than done.
that is why we are constantly in practice or a process.

letter to the editor

being that the universe is centered around you. i did not expect that you would ask why such a abrupt and immediate retreat from what we both expected to be a amaing, and long awaited homecoming. thus, i will answer out of my own curiousity, and need to let it all go, the multiple reasons to such a profound turn around time on the trip i just like to call, montana.

at first it seemed as through i was welcome, in the cold, damp hole referred to as the living space. then, as the minutes in front of the television drug on...i began to realize, this is most definately not the most ideally picture of amaing amounts of fun i initially longed for. the final straw was only a mere few days into the visit, which in the reality of God's grace, i appreciate, that i no longer had to spend another waking moment inside of this picture that i so wanted to be in, was the event of a dinner invitation...no, not extended not to me, it seemed to only be a private party, just the two of them, guests from out of town not welcome.

with the realization of the selfishness and singling out, i did what any good woman would do, and come up with a excuse, which a week prior would have been the honest truth, alas, was a week too late to do what i now know needed to be done. and get in my compact vehicle and drive away. and what a drive that was.

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as we age

you are born unto this earth with one life.
one shot at doing what you are meant to come here to do, one shot at seeing the things you want to see, doing the things you want to do, and most importantly, to me, being with the people you feel at home with.
for 20 years of your life, you were grounded with your family. they were your home. then you grow up a little more and find other individuals whom you connect more with.
well, what happens when the family, that you are so connected too, age?
are you supposed to put your experiences on hold to help them or do you let other family members step in?
i mean, as long as they are getting taken care of and they know that you are there for them....
i feel like even if you are close by, you don't physically need to be here with them.
for me, its all a part of being there for them, sending them positive energy and love.

anything's possible

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im back...this time...at a whole new energy level

things have happened.
life has been an interesting period of adjustment after returning back from the land called India.
i was happy to be back in America...and then i was sad. sad that everyone and everything around me is so damn busy, and turbulent, and on the go, and filled with egos, and just not interested in sitting down and listening to what really might be talking inside of their heads.
i decided to sit down for everyone. i am currently in a period of respecting my inner self. after working in a bike shop for the majority of the summer...with a bunch of complete and utter assholes, boss included. its time for me to regain my confidence and esteem that i found crushed under the attack of an Italian new yorker. (yes, stereotyping...real yogic.)
what have i decided?
that life is AMAZING! and beautiful, and perfect, and a process...
i make my ends meet. i pay my credit card off when it comes due. don't ask me how. the important thing is. that i am enjoying my life.
i am giving myself the time that i need to do what i need to do.
i know that i cannot live in the front range of Colorado.
i am moving to Montana. yes, it may be the winter season, and yes, i normally move south for winter.
however,
i have decided that i need the change of seasons and i will embrace it.
i am happy to be back on the blog.....maybe i will even get a couple of days straight on this thing.
you never know.

welp, thought i could do it.

i guess a blog is just a hard thing for me to keep up.

i live in the moment 100% and it is hard to get me to a computer to type some things.

well...to those of you still in the lauren blog world...a tip for the day.

 

slow down.

being back in the states i see a lot of people running around in their lives, so, so busy, hardly being aware of the beauty and peace around them.

i mean, whats the point to life if you cant slow down and smell the roses, if you will.

its funny, to stay busy is like the goal in america. well, it is such a beautiful thing to take some time, sit down and drink some tea. or read a book. or do something for you.

 

todays goal, find peace wherever you may be and in every moment.

 

thank you for your time.

--
Synchronously,
Lauren